Sakura, Kurama, and Their Foray Into Matchmaking
by Tsume Yuki
Summary: In which Naruto comes to the conclusion she has a crush on Kakashi, and doesn't know what the hell to do about it. But no worries, Match-Maker Extraordinaire Haruno Sakura is here to save the day. Hopefully. FemNaruto
1. Chapter 1

**Sakura,** **Kurama,** **and Their Foray Into Matchmaking**

x

 **Chapter 1**

x

 _"So if I get pregnant, giving birth means the Kyūbi might escape?"_

 _Jiraiya was unnaturally grim, frowning at the fourteen year old girl in front of him._

 _"That's the basics of it kid. I've told you the last Jinchuriki was your mother, and we all know how that turned out. Not that it was your fault kid, we figured because there was a seal master on hand, the Fourth would be able to keep the fox back. We were wrong, the Jinchuriki before her only got away because she was married to Hashirama, and the Mokuton obviously isn't the answer now." Watching his little god daughter swallow, Jiraiya grimaced."Sorry kid, I know you wanted a family."_

 _"S'not your fault Ero-sensei… I'll just have to be the favourite aunt to Sakura-chan's kids then!"_

 _If he noticed the tears gathering in the corners of Naruto's eyes, Jiraiya never mentioned it._

* * *

 **'** ** _So, the Ningen with the blasted eyes is courting your teammate._** '

Looking down into the seventh bowl of ramen that'd been served to her, Naruto balanced the chopsticks on the brim of the wood and grimaced.

Sasuke and Sakura.

She'd always known it was coming, and Naruto was happy for them. How could she not be? Her teammates deserved the world, and while she still thought Sakura deserved more than any male could ever give her and that she didn't need protecting in the least, Naruto still trusted the Teme to watch over Team Seven's medic nin when it counted.

But another part of her was jealous. Ferociously jealous.

Not over the fact Sakura got Sasuke, god no. Sasuke was her brother, literally her spiritual brother, she just couldn't think of the Teme in that way.

No, Naruto was jealous of the opportunity that Sakura had. Sakura could go on to have kids, she could pop out Uchiha baby after Uchiha baby. She could have one child, or she could have as many as her body allowed her to. The Uchiha clan could sprawl across the village once again in a few decades, all because Sasuke and Sakura had started courting. Well, a dinner date, but still. That was dating as far as Naruto was concerned, and it was about bloody time.

She couldn't want to start spoiling her nieces and nephews -and they would be her nieces and nephews, because Sakura was her teammate and Sasuke the reincarnation of her reincarnation's brother- and teach them the joys of life. Of chakra, of pranks, of ramen! She would corrupt all of their sweet innocent little minds.

Hell, she might even end up one of their sensei's. Maybe? Hopefully.

' ** _When should I expect you to start popping out kits then!?_** ' Kurama's voice boomed in her head, Naruto wincing slightly and dropping the noodles she'd just been holding up to eat. Eyebrows furrowed, the blonde thought over the words the fox had just said, stomach already sinking.

' _You know I can't have kids, Kurama._ ' Nibbling on a piece of broth soaked chicken, Naruto gestured with her hand for Ayame to bring her another bowl, not willing to open her mouth and expose her half chewed meal.

' ** _Why not? You are the strongest talking monkey out there, it shall not be hard for you to find someone to lay with._** '

' _Because of the seal you-_ ' Naruto trailed off that thought, actually dropping her chopsticks into the bottom of her nearly finished bowl.

She could almost feel the fox's ribcage rumbling with his half suppressed laughter, the warm breath from his oversized nose on the back of her neck.

But right now, the eighteen year old had other things to think about.

The seal, the seal was no longer a problem. Right now it was wide open and Kurama was quite content to lay about. He was her bud now, her partner in the fight for peace that wasn't so much of a fight now. She trusted him with her life, he could leave her for dead right now, so why would he wait until she was pregnant?

Blooming hope surged in her chest, hidden somewhere behind her breasts as Naruto turned to look at all the patrons of Ichiraku, all the families, and pure want hit her light a Rasengan to the stomach.

' _You mean, that I can…_ ' She didn't dare to finish the sentence, having methodically denied herself that childhood dream for four years. But now, but now….

' ** _Yes, you may go and spread your legs, have so many kits that run rampant around your village. Though, I trust you will raise one to treat me right when you are gone._** '

Sometimes, it was hard to think that Kurama would go on to live forever, that she would leave him. And that was a lonely thought indeed. However, she could only spare that thought a second of consideration, everything in her still focused on the fact that she could have children now.

She. Could. Have. Children. Now.

Every person present in Ichiraku jumped in surprise when Naruto suddenly let out a victory scream so loud it bounced around the building's interior and right out into the street.

Only just remembering to throw some money down on the counter to pay for her meal, Naruto sped off, completely forgetting to take the latest bowl of ramen she'd ordered with her in her excitement.

.

"Tch, I heard you had a bit of a public meltdown yesterday."

Sticking a finger down on the line she was up to, Naruto forcibly pulled her head of the book she'd been reading, meeting Shikamaru's half lidded gaze.

"I did not have a meltdown!" Naruto snapped, already feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks. Damn it, she might not have gotten her mother's hair, but she certainly got her ability to flush bright red.

The slight cock to Shikamaru's eyebrows showed just how much he didn't believe a word she said, and the blonde groaned, flopping out across the table top. But not before her fellow Jonin got the chance to snatch her book away.

"Pregnancy?!" Shikamaru squawked, dropping the book like it physically burnt him, dark eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You're not-"

"NO!"

Shooting out of her own chair, Naruto slammed a hand across Shikamaru's mouth, nervously eyeing the surroundings. She didn't want anyone to overhear, it was just so, well, embarrassing. Shikamaru's cold fingers came up and began peeling her own away, exasperation wrote all over his face.

"Naruto, why are you reading a pregnancy book when you're not pregnant… Are you?" The last part was whispered, a quiet hesitancy that had Shikamaru nervously eyeing her entire body. Face still flaming, Naruto folded her arms across her chest and scowled.

"I'm not… It's just, Ero-sensei used to say I couldn't risk getting pregnant, not after what happened to my mom letting Kurama out, even though it was actually, well… So, I never bothered to read up on it, but now Kurama won't be forcing his way out of my pregnancy weakened seal so I kinda need to know this stuff if I want a family in the future!"

It all came out as one big rush, and Naruto found herself staring desperately at Shikamaru, imploring him to see what she was saying. The Nara was slouched over, a pained expression on his features, but there was a hint of understanding on his face. Which meant he understood everything.

"Tch, you're so troublesome." Shikamaru got to his feet, shaking his head while he pushed the chair back beneath the table.

Hesitantly, Naruto turned back to her book, but froze in place at Shikamaru's next words.

"You know you need a guy for the whole family thing, right?"

.

' ** _I don't see what the problem is. Pick a strong male, one who will look after you and all the kits you spawn._** '

Scoffing, Naruto flicked a blonde pigtail back over her shoulder, balanced atop an earthen spike Kakashi had been kind enough to summon on a flat board. More Sage training, trying to expand her sensory rage. So far she had all of Konoha and a bit beyond it, but she really wanted to push it, to see how far she could sense without Kurama's aid.

' _Yeah, well I've only ever had a crush on Haku, and that was years ago. I've had more important things to worry about until now._ ' She had.

The Chũnin exams, the Akatsuki, Sasuke running away, more Akatsuki, the war. Now that they were at a tentative peace, she wasn't sure what to do. A slump, Hinata had kindly explained when Naruto had failed to figure out the technical term. Well, Hinata had used a bigger, fancier word, but Naruto had gotten the gist of it.

' ** _What did you find appealing about the snivelling ice monkey? Figure that out, and then compare with the males around you. Your attempts at mating is so horrible you clearly need my aid._** '

' _Attempts at mating?! I haven't 'mated' with anybody, Baka Fox!_ '

The board wobbled and Naruto froze in place, aware her breathing had accelerated in her surprise and anger. But, Kurama did have a point. Haku was the first and last person she'd ever had a crush on, and even if it was just a childish little thing, it was still a starting point.

But what about Haku had she liked? Well, he'd been nice, that was a thing. At that age, so few people had been nice to her, that was the first thing to really stand out. Haku had been nice, and he'd had a nice smile too. One that'd made her feel warm.

And, she'd liked his ideals. The precious person thing, and becoming truly strong. That'd made an impression on her. He'd been nice to look at too, even if he had been a bit girly. He'd made her tummy feel warm. She wanted a male that made her feel like that.

Wait, a guy! Not a male! God, Kurama was corrupting her.

The fox snickered quietly in the back of her mind and Naruto grimaced, hands clenching where they laid on her lap. Baka Fox.

Still though, she had a rough outline now. She knew what she wanted. So, who had what she wanted?

Not Sasuke.

He was pretty but he was dating Sakura-chan. And even then, he was her spiritual brother and that would make everything seven levels of uncomfortable. Shikamaru was already dating Temari -Ha! She totally called it!- and Kiba was dating Hinata. Though Naruto didn't think anyone deserved sweet and gentle Hinata.

Chōji was cool, but he was her eating contest buddy. She couldn't think of him in that way. And Sai's smiles were too creepy. Plus, he reminded her of Sasuke in looks, and that was a no go. Urg, yuk.

Drumming her fingers against her thigh, Naruto frowned. Shino was too quiet and she didn't know him that well, Lee was cool but he was her brother of hard work, and Gaara was her brother of circumstance. Urgh, did she even know any more boys her age?

' ** _Why must it be a male of your age?_** _'_ Kurama's voice rumbled through her head and Naruto knew, she just knew, whatever the fox was about to say she would not like. Would mentally scar her for life.

' ** _Would it not be better to mate with an older male? They are already strong and have adequate standings in life._** ' And just when Kurama's words almost made sense, he dropped the bombshell.

' ** _Like the silver haired monkey sharing space with you now._** _'_

.

Naruto had fled the training field, screeching all the way. She didn't stop until she was in her apartment, head buried under her covers and with her nose pressed deep into her pillow. It wasn't so much that Kurama's words shocked and scared her.

No, there'd been like a light being flicked on, and suddenly, she could see everything.

Kakashi had always been nice to her, in his own way. She liked the way his eye crinkled when he smiled. She liked that he'd abandon the rules for his teammates, that he wouldn't let any of them die. And while she didn't know if she thought he was pretty -It's been six years, how had she not seen under the mask yet?!- it didn't matter.

Because the more she considered her sensei in a romantic sense, the more her tummy started to feel warm.

Ohgodohgodohgod, she had a crush on Kakashi! How could this have happened?

' ** _What do you mean how could this have happened? This is what you were looking for! That particular Ningen ticks all of your self-imposed boxes; he is strong, he's not as despicable as other Ningen, and has already proved he can take good care of you and your kits._** '

Letting out a low whine -because even the thousand year old chakra monster was telling her like it is- Naruto pushed her face further into the pillow.

Oh god. What was she suppose to do now?

.

"Naruto?"

Someone was knocking at her door.

Whining, the blonde squeezed her eyes shut, praying fervently that whoever it was would cease and desist. No luck, because not seconds later Sakura was letting herself in with the spare key Naruto now deeply regretted giving her.

"Naruto?"

The blonde could hear the pinkette's footfalls, and she laid still. It would be pointless to flee. Sakura would chase her down over Konoha, and then she'd end up being public humiliated when she was grilled for information, instead of the private humiliation she was about to suffer right now.

"Urgh! What are you doing in bed at this time Naruto! It's four in the afternoon!"

A defeated whine escaped Naruto's throat before she could stop it, and the blonde went to pull the covers up until they consumed her head. Fat lot of good it did, considering Sakura ripped them off her not a second later.

"Naruto? What's wrong?"

It'd be less painful to just cough up, but Naruto found herself mumbling the answer into her pillow anyway. Not a second later, that too was torn away from her by the pink haired menace, and Naruto turned betrayed blue eyes on her teammate.

Her angry teammate.

"Naruto…"

The growl, the implied threat, was enough for Naruto to back up. Sakura had already put her through one wall this month, she didn't want to go for a second.

"I have a crush on Kakashi!"

It came out as more of a loud whine than he statement fact she was going for, but it was enough for Sakura to pause, a curious expression lighting her face before her lips twisted up in a cruel parody of a smile.

"Really?"

A body dropped down on the bed beside her and Naruto got the impending sense of doom that a girl talk was about to ensure.

She was right.

"Tell me everything."

* * *

 **So, I wanted to write something light hearted, then realized I don't really have a story going that's the right kind of light hearted I want to write. So, here we are.**

 **Sakura's dodgy attempts at getting Naruto and Kakashi together. Take One.**

 **EDIT; Changed the title,**

 **Tsume  
xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sakura,** **Kurama,** **and Their Foray Into Matchmaking**

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 **Chapter 2  
** _In which Sakura dolls Naruto up and they do a little background research_

x

"A make-over?"

Naruto grimaced at the words, eyeing the shop before her warily. She was a-okay with her sports bra and ninja gear, but Sakura was insistent if she wanted to do this properly, she had to look the part.

It was step one apparently. Naruto hadn't been aware there was a step by step guide, but she'd much rather know where she could buy this guide. Then she wouldn't have to put her trust in Sakura-chan to guide her through these new and uncharted waters.

' ** _It makes sense_** ,' Kurama grumbled in her mindscape, tails twitching back and forth as he watched the world through her eyes, ' ** _posturing and presenting for a mate. A good looking mate means good looking kits._** '

Urgh, shouldn't she be worried a Bijū had more understanding of this situation than she did?

Her kids would be the cutest things ever, even if half of their DNA came from somebody else. Naruto had been a cute kid, how could anything she spawned not be adorable?

"Come on Naruto," Sakura snapped, and clamping down around her wrist and pulling her into the shop, one Naruto hadn't even known existed.

Inside was an abundance of clothes, ninja gear ranging from strict black to pastels and brights. And best of all, there was a section dedicated to orange. Her surprise must have been obvious, because Sakura shook her head with a weary sigh.

"They added it after finding out 'The Great Uzumaki Naruto' favoured orange."

Nodding dumbly, Naruto glanced down at her orange and black tracksuit. It'd gone from ankle length to mid-shin as she'd grown, now standing at a nice five foot four. But, she hadn't found any decent ninja gear to replace it with. Not any that came up to her standards anyway. This damn village had never seemed to sell any orange.

Apparently now though, they did.

Grinning wildly, Naruto made her way over, inspecting the racks and instantly reaching for a new pair of tracksuit bottoms.

Only to have her hand slapped away.

"Wah, Sakura-chan!"

The medic-nin huffed, directing Naruto to several tops instead.

"Naruto, if you want to catch a guy's attention, you have to dress to impress. No more tracksuits, and no more oversized tops. Unless they're his."

"B-but you don't wear the Teme's shirts!" Naruto squawked, looking longingly towards the tracksuits as she was pulled further and further away.

"Baka! That's because we haven't got that far in our relationship yet! Besides, which of us has the boyfriend here? That makes me the one in charge."

The logic was sound, which made it even more irritating for Naruto.

With a grumble, Naruto folded her arms across her chest and let Sakura pick out all the clothes for her. Her friend, at the very least, know not to forgo the orange.

That was one battle she'd never win.

.

"What do I do?" Naruto found herself flailing as Sakura dragged her along to Team Gai's training ground, nervously eyeing her companion.

It'd taken them hours to get Naruto set up with a new outfit that ticked all of Sakura's boxes. And then the underwear shopping. Naruto had been upset at the very idea of getting something as impractical as a fancy bra. But then she'd seen all the pretty patterns, the pretty cuts, the way it hugged her boobs just right. Suddenly, she understood what Sakura had been saying.

She felt something special in the right outfit, and something extraordinary in the right bra. Matching bra and panties. Of course, the first pair she'd picked up, Kurama had ruined them for her.

He'd taken one good look through her eyes and then proceeded to snark, **_'Your Mother had a set just like them._** '

Naruto had dropped them so fast Sakura hadn't even noticed she'd picked them up.

Still, she had several pretty sets now, two of which made her feel like the second sexiest thing in the village. You know, after Tsunade but no one could really top her when she was trying. Hehe, she felt like a woman now.

The only problem was, she had no idea how to act like one.

"I don't even know how to get a date!" Naruto snapped, though her arms were limp as Sakura dragged her along.

"Well, I've only ever gone after Sasuke-kun, but Kakashi's a whole other beast. Hmmm…."

' ** _Perhaps a little more tack then the pink haired one has used in the past?_** '

Yeah, Sakura hadn't been very subtle -and this coming from her!- in her pursuit of Sasuke. But it got results. Still, she'd put that off to consider for later; the idea of acting the same way Sakura had towards Kakashi already made her feel stupid. No way was she going through with that.

"Kurama says I should use more tack then you did."

"What's wrong with my way?!"

Eeping, Naruto threw herself back and out of Sakura's reach, summoning up a distorted shadow clone. It was a jutsu she'd been working on since the war had finished, one she had completed mere weeks ago.

Kurama, now outfitted in a henged shadow clone body, snorted, rolling his red eyes with all nine tails lashing back and forth. He was also only three feet tall.

" **We are trying to capture the monkey's attention, not send him running for the hills.** "

"Please, I bet your plan is to get her to ambush him late at night."

Kurama growled, and Naruto winced when the fox made no move to deny such a thing. Was she really entrusting her attempts to date Kakashi with these two?

Sakura's hand latched onto her's once again, dragging her along.

"And that is why we need to do some research."

.

"Sakura-chan, why are we here?" Naruto hissed, nervously eyeing the curious Tenten and Lee. The two remaining students of Maito Gai[AC1] were obviously very interested in what was going on, but Kurama, in an uncharacteristically helpful move, had bravely sacrificed himself for the sake of private conversation. He currently had the two Taijutsu/weapons experts rubbing at his belly.

Oh who was she kidding, Kurama was enjoying having all that attention lavished on him, even if the mighty Bijū would never admit to it.

"Gai, has Kakashi-sensei ever had any relationships?"

Naruto almost choked.

This was getting a little too close to the truth for her. What the hell was Sakura-chan thinking? Was she trying to announce it to everyone that Naruto might rather like her sensei? And that it wasn't such a new development?

That maybe this warm, fuzzy feeling had been lingering around longer than she'd noticed, and it'd just been buried beneath the worry of war and Bijū and peace and Sasuke?

Gai was frowning, a thoughtful look on his masculine face.

"Kakashi has seen many a beautiful flower throughout his life, but their love bloomed and withered far too soon."

"What?" Sakura snapped, while Naruto narrowed her eyes, trying to run that sentence into her hard won Gai/Lee translator.

"He means Kakashi's had a lot of one night stands but no significant girlfriend," Tenten chirped in, having bounded over from where Kurama and Lee had decided to attempt a Taijutsu match.

Part of Naruto wanted to watch the two of them go at it, to see how long this new clone she'd created in the shape of the fox held up. But another part screamed this talk about Kakashi was important.

She was serious.

She liked Kakashi, and she wanted to go on at least one date with him. And when Naruto wanted something, not even a god could stop her from achieving her goal.

Her current companions all seemed to take note of the steely determination in her eyes, but only one of them failed to make the connection.

"Ah! You are attempting to find love for Kakashi! Let us make it a challenge, I bet I can find the right beautiful flower for my Eternal Rival!"

And like that he was gone, barrelling out of the training ground and nearly knocking both Kurama and Lee over as he did so.

"Urg, Tsunade-sama told him not to do too much exercise while he's still recovering!"

With that Tenten was gone, but not before offering Naruto a sassy wink.

The blonde could only stare after the two, a sinking feeling in her stomach before a slow, defeated whine escaped her lips.

"Great, now I've got competition!"

"No you don't!" Sakura snarled, bringing her hands together in a sure clap and rubbing them back and forth. "Let's face it, anyone Gai picks out will be everything Gai himself wants, and thus, everything Kakashi _doesn't_ want."

Huh, that kinda actually made sense.

But still. Even weak competition was competition.

And for the first time in a long time, Naruto wasn't completely sure of her chances. This wasn't just something she could charge into after all, that she could hit until she had them beat into submission. Yet…

Yet, Sakura-chan had never given up on the Teme. And it'd all pulled through for her. So, Naruto would have faith, she would be determined, and she would get what she wanted.

And what she wanted, was a date with Kakashi.

.

"Nee, are you sure about this, Sakura-chan?"

The two of them paused, sharing dubious looks before turning their gaze on their recent trove of all things perverted. Six neatly stacked books sat in the centre of the coffee table, a single DVD resting beside the little tower of literature. The full collection of the Icha Icha series now sat on Naruto's coffee table.

And worse, she'd actually bought them. Gone into a shop -under henge, she wasn't an idiot- and she'd bought the entire series. The books she'd sworn to never read. That resolve had slowly been crumbling since Ero-sensei's death, and really, this was just the final nail in the coffin.

"It's research, Naruto…" Sakura would have probably been a lot more reassuring if she wasn't looking at the hardbacks with the full expectation that she was about to get bitten.

Naruto frowned a bit more, brows puckered and lip jutting out.

"…Well, if you're sure," Naruto murmured, looking to the pinkette for one last time. A single hope that she'd call this latest insane idea off. No dice.

"Okay then… Here we go."

.

An hour passed. Then second one. Followed by a third.

It wasn't until the sun was rising in the early morning sky that Naruto finally put her book -the last in the series- down with bright, wide eyes.

Sakura, who'd bought the series herself when Naruto had begged her -"I don't want to suffer alone, Sakura-chan!"- had the same stumped look upon her face, eyes wide and unseeing as the two of them stared out of Naruto's large apartment window.

The sun looked glorious, spreading out across the village landscape. It was a beautiful sight.

After several minutes of silence, Sakura finally managed to voice a coherent sentence.

"That- That was an insight into Jiraiya's psyche that I really didn't need. But, I think I understand Kakashi reading these all the time now."

"Man, is half that stuff even possible?"

Naruto looked to her companion, her companion who knew the human body inside out, for reassurance.

Silence.

Silence was all that greeted her.

"I don't know… But we'll have fun finding out."

* * *

 **I feel that, between Tsunade, the Senju cells and Naruto's godly blessed healing, they could have fixed Gai up, even if his chakra system was unrepairable, Lee style.**

 **Next chapter;**  
In which Sasuke begins to suspect something's up and Sakura realizes they're gonna have to try a little harder

 **Tsume  
xxx**


End file.
